Serenity

I was downloading pictures from my digital camera a couple of days ago and this was one of the pictures. I took it at The Florida Aquarium last month. The room it was taken in is a small auditorium with a huge window wall with a giant coral reef fish tank on the other side. They do diving demonstrations and other shows in there. But the room itself is relatively dark, it's cool, and when I went in there I just felt so calm. I can understand why people like those fish tank screensavers- or even real fish tanks. I just wanted to sit down and watch the fish for a couple of days or so- not thinking, not planning, not stressing. Just sitting and watching the fish.
Plus the picture came out so well. I want to be a great photographer, now that I've switched to digital I'm learning to be a good photographer. And every once in awhile I take a photo that just leaves me saying, "wow! I can't believe I took that!" This was one of those photos. The only thing I don't like is the white spots in the photo, which I think were from other people taking pictures at the same time. If I get the chance I'm going to have to try to fix that. But it's not distracting enough for me to dislike the photo- still makes me go "wow", spots and all!

Meltdown

Had a bit of an anxiety attack yesterday before church. I thought about everything I had to do and it just seemed so daunting. I ended up calling the folks, and of course my mom wasn't home, but my dad was very calming. I told him how I felt- like I had learned to walk a tightrope by walking on a crack in the sidewalk and now all of a sudden I'm on the rope with no harness, balancing stacks of plates and cups on my hands while balancing on a chair on top of a unicycle. But I have my family and that's a good safety net.
Now I have to try to figure out how to set up a blog for my MOPS group (since I've added publicity coordinator to my balancing act) and see if and how I can put photos on- and see if I'm going to have to reload the everloving Kodak software so it will recognize my camera. I want a new computer!!!

Random thoughts

Does suburbia kill the soul? I'm watching a documentary called "Revolution" about the hippies. One of the guys said that the reason why so many kids went to the Haight was because suburbia was killing their souls. I guess since I'm a product of suburbia and my soul isn't dead I questioned that. I can see that it makes it harder to break out of the mold because of all the conformity built into suburban life, but in a way I think it's a good thing. Only those who are truly passionate will break the mold and offer up their creations to the world. I am truly pissed aobut the whole hippie thing, though. When I was younger I thought they were so cool standing up for their beliefs and trying to change the world. But my older more cynical self sees a bunch of indulged self-indulgent selfish brats who were totally irresponsible. And now my generation has to live with the fallout, and I think a nuclear bomb would have left less of a fallout than the hippies. I hope my kids never idolize that group because I'd really hate to make my kids cynics when they're young.
My daughter is 3 and she already knows that Santa is just pretend. I don't see the point in encouraging belief in a made-up character only to pull the rug out from under her in a few years. People think it's cute, I think it's cruel. So she looses a little "magic", I think it's worth it.
If I had a time machine I'd never be home. History just interests me so much more than the present (especially our present). I'd rather see the stuff that already happened.

Past present and future

I was going to get all ambitious and do some kind of mall rating blog, since the one near my house sucks so bad you can almost hear it, but that was just too much work and I don't have that kind of time anymore. Now it's just going to be a boring old personal blog about all my trials & tribulations now that I have way too much going on and don't want to stop. It all started out innocently enough- I joined the school board for the school my church was starting up. From there it was all downhill- committees, events, further involvement, my husband taking a job where he travels 95% of the time, etc. etc. Now I have to plan and present a Walk Through Bethlehem event in December, a Mardi Gras Ball in February, and now a goofy golf tournament in May. I love it I hate it I love it I hate it- I'm on the commitment carousel, except it feels more like a big roller coaster!