When it rains it pours

I didn't realize until I came on today how long it's been since I've posted. So overloaded that I can't even stop to reflect and blog. So now I have a bunch of verbal vomit to unload, so if anyone's actually reading this you might want to take an asprin beforehand- swimming in my stream of conciousness might give you a headache.
First, my kids are sick. My daughter's on medication that makes her think she's not sick anymore (3 year old denial doesn't help!) so I'm having a tough time getting her to rest and take it easy- she's just as hyper as ever. My son's cranky and grumpy. Yesterday he slept most of the day, but today he just wants to cry. And he doesn't want to eat his baby food, just nurse, so I'm in pain.
Second is my husband- he didn't get paid because the holiday (Columbus Day!!!) messed up the mail and his paperwork didn't get in on time. But that was a fixable problem and nothing to get hugely stressed about. Ha! Super depression time again, the same old "God hates me, He doesn't do anything for me, you have to go back to work" bs he usually throws at me. Never mind that God doesn't hate him, that He does take care of us- if He didn't we would be homeless by now! And nevermind that I can't make enough to cover the cost of daycare for our kids. Yeah, money's tight, he's not making as much as he thought he would, and he's missing being home with me and the kids. But there's really nothing either of us can do about it at the moment, so having a huge shitfit about it doesn't really help. All it does is send him down a spiral and tick me off. So I've done the only thing I can do- stay off the phone with him until he calms down. If I could think of anything I could do to help out financially then I would. All I can really do is what I'm already doing, so that's what I'm going to keep doing, and pray that if an opportunity comes along I'll be alert and take it.
I'm scared of rejection. I'm afraid to put myself out there. I think I have good ideas and I want to see them made into movies or TV shows, but I just can't seem to get it together to send anything out. This is so hard. I know the rewards could be great, but the emotional cost is so high!
Then there's my overloaded status. It doesn't feel too bad now, but I think that's because I've reached the max point and just shut that part of my life off right now, which isn't a good thing because I promised to do certain things and I haven't done all of them yet. But the last two weeks have been difficult and frustrating. I worked so hard on that newsletter and then got verbally smacked down over it because it wasn't formatted right and didn't have the mailing cover. Like I knew any of that! And to find this out with only an hour and a half to deadline and no practical way to fix the issues. Thank God for Sharon who fixed everything and made sure the fershlinger thing went out. Now I need to start on next month's issue, but I can't even bring myself to even open the file. Add to that the school board meeting a couple of weeks ago. I'm the only one with small kids and I usually end up having to leave before the meeting ends because of them, but my report was stuck dead last. By the time I got to it my son was cranky, my daughter was bored, and everyone else was ready to leave. So I rushed it. All the work I put into the Walk Thru Bethlehem program and I ran through it doubletime while several people were busy doing other things or doodling. And the idea I thought was fantastic and would be really fun got shut down by people who figured that regular golf would be better than a silly golf tournament. Never mind that less than a quarter of the congregation say that they golf, never mind that this was supposed to be a fun thing to involve the whole family, a regular golf tournament is what they want. Now I'm forced to try to find people to do it. I hate golf. So I was supposed to contact some guy about running it and due to everything else I forgot to call him. And now I can't find his number so I'm going to end this bitchfest earlier than planned so I can go out to my car and try to find his number.